Fifty shades of grey

I’m sorry but fifty shades of grey is a big no no. I’ve read the book 2 years back but i didn’t complete even the first one cause i was disgusted by the idea that the E. L James gave to the readers. Okay people love the book because the author describes christian grey as someone powerful, handsome and rich, and not to deny that the cast in the movie is also so breathtaking  but what if christian grey is someone ugly, a total opposite of the christian grey we imagined as what the author describes? Of course we would definitely feel disgust with the book or even the movie.

Okay putting aside the descriptions, well the idea of a white dude controlling a weak woman who is powerless to his charm and wit and not to mention normalising abusive and creepy relationships like this isn’t normal. This is not okay. He sexually abused the girl and yeah the girl liked it but IT WASN’T SUPPOSED BE LIKE THAT I MEAN IT’S NOT HEALTHY. Having a playroom full of whips and handcuffs like i don’t know about you but christian grey surely looked like a maniac to me. I understand about all those stuff i mean i’m a grown up too but being submissive to someone dominant and plus having a contract to let someone do stuff to you even if he’s someone you really love to death or attractive, you shouldn’t be doing this like wake up girlssss this is not okay.

Like he became like that because he was sexually abused by his mother’s friend when he was just a teenager now what that tells you. He’s not normal and clearly he isn’t in a good mental state. Then he met a girl who looked innocent, submissive and virgin, and that made him feel like conquering her. Ugh stupid anastasia.

I would like to highlight this again. Fifty shades of grey’s existence is no good cause it plants some weird ideas into the society of how relationship could be. The younger ones who read or watch this will probably get influenced and would want to try and do those stuff. Thus, this can bring harm and worse, death. This is not a small matter. No one should think that this is okay. I don’t want my children to grow up thinking that this kind of stuff is a new kind of romance and it’s okay and sweet when it’s clearly not.


of baju kurung

Alhamdulillah. Dean list for the fourth time. Alhamdulillah.

So my mom’s friend is a single tailor and apparently she needed more hands to complete her order and my mom being generous as usual, offered her my help well without my permission -.- she wanted me to go out and do some beneficial things plus learn new skill. It’s been four days already and tomorrow is the last day. 

Yes. I can now brag to everyone that i know how to sew. Believe it or not i’ve sow 5 pairs of baju kurung and 2 baju melayu by myself. freaking five baju kurung. I can now operate the sewing machine like a boss. hahahahaha finally new skill. The tailor said i’m a fast learner, thank you. like nowadays it’s hard to find young girls who can sew.

honey, i could even make a baju melayu for you already *wink wink*


Then it wouldn’t be fair.

When you love someone, you have to love them as a whole. You can’t just like a certain part of them. You have to accept everything that comes with them too. Cause when someone enters your life, they not only comes with their present self, they also comes with their whole life. The past, the scars, things that keeps them up at night, their beliefs, their flaws & their insecurities. Things that break and made them as the way they are.

You can’t just close one eye to the parts that you don’t want to see. It wouldn’t be fair. Accept them as the way they are.

If you love them when they are at their best then you have to also love them at their worst. Don’t try to change them.

There’s no such thing as perfect man or perfect woman. Be more realistic pls. You can’t have it all.

Frank & brave

You want to take me to a movie?” I asked.
“Well, not really,” he said. “What I really want is for you to be my significant other. But I thought saying that might scare you off.


I like outspoken frank people. They never fail to impress me. Bravery is kinda sexy don’t you think

The fault in our stars

I nearly cried but i didn’t. I hope something’s wrong with my tear duct cause i was supposed to cry reading the book or watching the movie but i didn’t. Watched the fault in our stars and it was not disappointing thank god. Minus the fact that they didn’t put in my favorite scene but that’s ok cause they put in his other flaws. When the song all i want by kodaline came out i nearly cried cause it was perfect. It was simply beautiful. Not the cast, not the scene but the words and the quotes used are so beautiful they made me smile.

One thing about augustus waters was that he could simply say cheesy things at the most random time and it won’t feel that cheesy bulu roma naik cause it’s so random that it surprises you and yeah made you feel flattered. The kind of guy i need. It was cheesy but it was cheesy on augustus part. Hazel was just simply showing her affections towards augustus in a different quiet way. Sometimes we don’t need words to express the love but simply watching how hazel’s eyes light up whenever she sees augustus was enough to prove it. I’m pretty much like hazel. I don’t show but if you pay attention, look a little more closely, you’ll see.


It is weird. The name seems familiar but it feels like i’ve never known him before.

I remember saying my last goodbye.

Someone from my past. But now when i remember him, it’s funny. We almost had a thing if it’s hadn’t been for me ruining it as usual. But what the hell i was just fourteen and i had a big exam coming that i have to think of. I did the right thing and i didn’t regret it at all.

Now? It’s been four years since i last saw the last of him and apparently there’s iftar coming for us and for the first time ever he’s coming too.

I know that someday i’ll have to face him too. But i don’t think i’m ready yet. And so i turned down the invitation.

Not that i’m afraid or i still have feelings towards him but i just don’t want to acknowledge our history, i want to forget it. I’m humiliated by what’s in the past.

I wanted to say sorry, to him and his sister. I wanted to say sorry for hurting him by letting out those words. I’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry. Oh shit now i opened up this thing more of the memories come kicking in. And some of the memories i didn’t remember happening. Oh damn it now pls make it stop.

But it was for our own good, we were too young and i was determined to make my studies my priority without having other things meddle in between. I know i sound irrevelant but this was also my principles and i don’t break one. Well at least in the past. I let him down by showing that i am not the type of girl he wanted. That i was a mistake. It was too easy to make him hate me but it was hard for me to take in all the hatred he had for me. Why am i doing this? Cause it’s easier to make someone hate you than make him unlove you.

Whenever my friends asks why am i doing this to myself, i laughed. Even if i explain it to them, they won’t understand. No one understands why. Even i myself asked the same question from time to time. The thing is, you don’t see the world as how i see it.

Until now i’m still doing the same thing i know. How much longer? A little bit more. The time is nearly here.

I believe that patience is the key and i believe that, that person i’ve been waiting for, worth all the guys i’ve let go before.

The meteoras.

Such a bliss.

To be able to see them again after nearly a year. We call ourselves the meteoras. Well there’s a story behind why we chose meteoras. I came in late as i had to do my asr and they are already at the table. I came in and sat, so i was talking when my friend ask me to order cause the waiter is already beside me. As i was talking i turn to look at the waiter and i swear that i suddenly stopped talking. Hahahaha. I was wonderstruck. After a few seconds i laughed and looked at shamin and she was laughing her ass off looking at my reaction. The waiter was hot. Well i don’t usually use this kind of word but he is! His english was perfect and he was really nice to us with his witty jokes. But we don’t know if he’s a muslim or not cause he looked like a mix malay. It’s subang kan. We never know. All of us were fangirling and even shamin stuttered too so i’m not the only one okay. And that explains how we named ourselves..

The meteoras.

I had so much fun these three days. The meteoras consists of bat, jibah, shamin, shady, shiraa & me. Lulz so high school. But it’s kinda cool like when we already have our children then we’ll be like “haa mama nak jumpa meteoras jap” hahaha yes pls.

I love them.

We had our sleepover and it was fun fun fun fun! The next day was the photoshoot for bat’s online shop. I feel beautiful hahahaahahahahahahaha i don’t usually feel beautiful but i did. The make up and the dress helped. Then we went iftar again and shiraa’s boyfriend joined us. He’s getting along with us better. I mean if you want to have something with the girls, you have to go through us. We approve you not. It’s a good thing that he always try to fit in with us. I began to accept him better than shiraa’s ex.

Anyway so that night we had a sleepover again with syadiah and najibah. Najibah’s mom was sarcastic and nice i like her a lot. The food was simple but great. The next night syadiah went back home and ismah stopped by. It was unplanned but we had the sleepover again. Haha it was great cause we played some stupid things.

I really don’t want to be apart from them. It was short but sweet. I wish time could stop for a while.

Can’t wait for raya reunion and the zoo. ☺


uuuuu wordpress, you have changed your layout. i like it.

anyway so I am nearly reaching half of the sepeant’s shadows from the kane chronicles by rick riordan. yes you could say i’m a huge fan of his.

sometimes i do feel like freezing my own brain you know cause i tend to have all sorts of random thoughts all at once. you know how indecisive i can be, and these thoughts are killing me. my thoughts includes generally everything like i mean EVERY SINGLE THING. nevermind, it’s hard to explain after all.

i also become a tutor to my sister. she’s 15 this year and she’s taking PMR (whatever they call the exam now). SANGAT STRESSFUL i tell you. If i’m teaching english, bm, sejarah, geo maybe okay la kot but this is maths. i mean i can teach her la my maths is not that bad. but the process of making her understand the logic of the topics is frigging hard tak tipu.

i miss bibik teti, i truly am. as i watch my mum get up and prepare for sahur, i was honestly terrified. mother’s job are terrifying no kidding. i mean i know la before this but then as i observe clearly for the first time ever, then i realized.

It’s non stop.

Like everything. house chores, worrying about the children, taking care of the husband, cooking, laundry, making sure everything all right omg basically everything…

no break, and the cycle goes on and on

how did yo-
how did you do all that mom?
like how in the world you’ve been patient with all that?

and she was like, “someday you will understand, and get used to it”


wait what.

um k.

 *cries in a corner*


I’ve finished reading house of hades. The most shocking part was nico was actually in love with percy, i mean hold on for a sec like whaaat. I never saw that coming. Leo also has finally found his happiness thank god. I really like him cause he’s witty and funny. I’m in love with rick riordan’s books cause the way he describes it in details really made me feel like i’m living in the book. I tried to read his adult works and i swear i couldn’t recognize his style anymore. It’s so different.

So i aimed myself to finish reading the 13 books that i bought last sem. Different genres of course, there’s love, fantasy, thriller, crime, detective, mystery, poetic, life and even islamic ones.

I prefer to read all kinds of books cause i need to always put different inputs in my head so that my brain would actively develop well. I mean reading is very good especially when you’ve reached golden age. Studies shows that old people who reads more tends to remember more. Knowledge is important i tell you, this is what my father always tells me even until now. Don’t ever stop seeking knowledge.

I used to always finish 600 pages of a book in just 2 days. How? By locking myself in my room and not to do anything except for eat, read & sleep. Dulu boleh la buat but now i have more things to do so i have to be wiser in handling my time. And no, i’m not a nerd. It’s just that sometimes i do feel like i’m living in the book and i don’t want to escape from it.

The fault in our stars? Read it last year or 2 years back can’t remember. Lol i hope i’m not the only human being on earth that didn’t cry at all. Like at all. I predicted the ending and when he died i was like cool he had the eulogy at least. But i really like the part when he admitted that he was ashamed of getting the attention when he was with hazel at the airport. Hazel kan had this oxygen tank thing so of course people around would look at her and augustus felt embarrassed of that. I really like this part. Why this part? Well it shows that augustus wasn’t all prince charming good samaritan despite how in love he is with hazel. Now this is reality. He’s a normal human being who’s a little more romantic but he also had flaws. He may looked like a jerk here but john green really did a good job of telling there’s no perfect guy in reality. Well i don’t intend to read this book again cause dah mainstream terlebih sekarang. Like now’s everyone dah sibuk nak beli bagai baca and stuff. Lepas tu semua claim jadi john green’s fans. Tfios pebenda ntah. Sorry not sorry but if you had become a book freak like me, you would understand why. Agak kecewa with the cast as i was expecting hazel to look smaller and fragile. And i was expecting augustus to look more badass in a way. Well let’s just hope the movie won’t disappoint me.



HEA was disastrous no kidding.

worse, i just knew it’s 4 units i’m like so dead.

now at times like this i wish my future husband would do well in his studies instead ha ha ha

i’m so afraid of not getting the dean list, i want to cry my lungs out

what if what if what if


believe in Him haz, you’ve done the best already okay


and apparently they have officially became enemies hm.

i don’t know what to say, i tried to stop her but she was so overwhelmed by what he said.

i know that he didn’t mean it but like she said, once he speaks out, his words belonged to the public

what happened to “if you have nothing good to say, better shut up” ?

maybe, maybe i hadn’t really known him before

i was wrong and honestly am disappointed too.


there’s no going back.