how are you?

you okay?

i’m fine. just fine.

i think so.

tipu. you’re not okay.


fuck feelings. fuck it very very much.

17 Little Things Attractive Girls Do Differently

Thought Catalog


1. They are happier

There is a difference in temperament between regular girls and attractive girls and it has to do with how happy they appear. Attractive women are happier, and it shows. They are excited to see you, excited to talk about whatever subjects come up, excited to do just about anything. They’ve got a bounce in their step that other girls don’t have, and it never goes away. This is such a relief from the bored, standoffish people I meet all day at work. It’s refreshing to meet girls who are so different, who aren’t boring, who are fun to be around.

2. They don’t complain about their bodies

If a guy is with you, he likes your body. Don’t insult his judgement by complaining about what it looks like. No guy really expects you to look like an airbrushed model, and often it’s the little imperfections…

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why now

i feel like crying,

i don’t ask for this feeling. i said no, i prayed not yet

so why?

why now

after all these years why now?

oh god why

a pleasant dream

what a pleasant dream.

i was wearing a turquoise baju kurung and he was wearing a darker color baju melayu maybe dark green. He was as always tall and handsome. It was the first time i went into his house. The house was all cream and bright. Then i saw his mum. His mum was wearing pink and beautiful as ever. We both walked toward his mum and I salam her.  She gave me her sweetest smile and asked my name. I hesitated for a second, what should i make her call me i mean different people call me different names. Should i tell her that i’ve met her before? years back when she asked me my name. At that time because my first name was difficult to pronounce so i decided to go with Rafiqa. Rafiqa sounds pretty and feminine and that was the first time i let someone call me by that name. But years after, now, i think she has already forgotten me or my name so I decided to go for the simple ‘Haz’. I was afraid it will be awkward cause he used to call me by my first name but i want him to know that i’m not the same hazreeni like before. I’ve changed.


He was nice but i don’t remember him talking. After that i did some dishes and he was by my side. My back accidentally touches his but when i turned around it was his friend wearing the same color as mine. He was laughing and i smiled back and went away to look for him. Then i found him in the middle of the crowd carrying his small nephew. I recognized his 5 years old nephew, he adores him so much. I went closer and he gave me his nephew to me. He was so small that i was afraid i might break him. I babysit him for a while but out of the blue his nephew vanishes from my view. I panicked, mostly because i was afraid he might be mad. I searched high and low and met some old friends of mine. Then I saw the nephew. He was dancing out in the rain. I pushed open the sliding door and went after him. The rain pours down and made my whole baju kurung wet. But i don’t give the slighest care. All i know is that i have to protect the nephew. I have to protect him. I hugged him and carried him in.

At that time there’s only one thing i remember; I want him to know that I’m not going to hurt him. That i’m capable of being the one he wanted, again.

I wanted him, and i want him to want me back


Then i woke up. It was sweet and bitter.


it’s been a while.

and yeah i like to write it in details so i won’t forget it and to practice my writing. I want to practice putting my imagination into writings. I don’t usually dream or remember my dream so every time i do, i want to pin it down.


take me away

i wanna write something but nothing comes into my mind.

well let’s start with me wishing to possess a teleportation superpower.

yes cause i’m here and they’re there.

it sucks when you have that many friends like you have to make some time for them and come all the way from here which yes again sucks cause i’m here and they’re there.

let me see, so i have 4 groups to meet and a date.

well i wouldn’t call it as a date but what do you call a girl meeting a guy after a year not seeing each other. umm friendly meeting? lol idk we do this every year.

and every year we change. be it our appearances, attitude and perspectives. well i definitely changed a lot this time after entering degree. i mean i became wayy feminine well let’s just hope it’s not going to be awkward

anyway i’m all stressed out cause i hate planning and all of them have started to ask me when can i come and stuff. can’t you guys just wait for next year? cause i’m seriously malas nak get out from this house

a month left before usm ugh so i need to plan this smoothly.

and i really really really really from the bottom of my heart don’t want to return to usm


please, just take me away.


You have no idea

You have no idea how she looks like when she just woke up in the morning

You have no idea the things that make her eyes light up so bright that even the sunlight drown in

You have no idea what keeps her up in the middle of the night and what makes her just want to sleep all day

You have no idea how she sees the world, how she value things

You have no idea what is her favorite music or color, what or who is on her heart right now

Her shattered dreams, her new dreams, her hopes of the world, her perspectives, the way she views life, her stupid peculiar theories

You have no idea

Her ambition when she was 8, her ambition when she was 11, even her ambition now

You have no idea

You have no idea about her family, which personality she became when she’s at home, what kind of person she really is

You have no idea how many times she encounters life and death situation, people who left her, people who she left, her insecurities

What she likes to do during her leisure time, her favorite cat, her favorite place, her dream place, her favorite food, her favorite fruit

You have no idea

Her sweetest memories, her unforgettable moments, her painful experiences, her traumas, her phobias, what kind of food she dislikes

You have no idea

How many kids that she wants, her dream family, her dream husband, her dream job

You have no idea of any of these so how could you say that you know her well?  you can’t say that you know her well till you discover all this, you cannot say you know her just because you know half of them. Not a single person she’s known know her well. At least for now.

She’s manipulative, therefore she only let you know the things she wants you know. But remember, she’s like a moon; a part of her is always hidden away.

You just have no idea how many of the things she tells are true and how many were all lies in order to cover up who she really is.

I myself honestly admit that i don’t know anyone that well. But mostly because i don’t want to know, i don’t feel the need of knowing the details. There is this one big compartment inside my brain that i left empty just for that one person. That compartment will be used to remember his details, his favorites, all just for him.